In The Sun
by PatchesOfInk
Summary: Rachel watches Quinn from afar. This is the first fan-fic I started to write but I forgot about it. I'm back to working on it. Will lead to eventual Faberry. I suck at summaries so...give it a chance? You might like it. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter title:** I picture you in the sun, wondering what went wrong

**Summary:** Rachel watches Quinn from afar

**Note:** Hello all! So this is the very same In The Sun that I started writing when I first joined FF. I had thought this story was dead in the water but it turns out that my brain has decided otherwise and has since come up with ideas so I'm hoping I'll be writing some new chapters soon. In the meantime, I have updated the original three chapters, made the appropriate tweaks here and there as well as adding some things that I think improve it. I hope you enjoy it!

She's here again, sat on the same worn out bench, hands neatly folder in her lap as far from her stomach as she can possibly get without slouching forward. She's always hated slouching 'it's not good for your posture' but now she despises it, whether forward or backward, it accentuates her current problem - the one she has come to pray about. Strands of gold fall out of place as a gentle breeze rushes past. Delicate fingers clasp and unclasp. Eyes filled with concerns of far too many for one-person roam, searching for signs of life before settling on following the seemingly slow journey of a cloud. A deep shuddering breath wracks her delicate frame.

"I don't know if you can hear me, or if you're even there but...I really need help."

I watch as she dismantles every wall she puts up around anyone and everyone, taking away every last brick to reveal the person inside. It's when she lets her guard down that I realise how small and vulnerable she really is. How when she thinks no one is around to hear her, she is open and honest. She radiates an unexplainable innocence that offers the purest truth.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. How do I fix this? I don't know anything right now."

The pain in her voice is almost tangible.

"I have no one else to turn to. Please help me."

Her eyes lose focus on the cloud she had been following, slowly they close and I can see her truth.

"I know there are people out there that need Your help more than I do and that I'm selfish for asking but please help me."

Her voice is so small, her last three words are desperate and imploring, barely a whisper.

"I don't know what to do. I feel so lost."

I hear the strain in her voice; the sobs that threaten to erupt for her fragile throat. Her body gives away nothing, her inner turmoil unapparent to the rest of the world. The only thing to break through the facade, to show any hint of what her life has become, are the silently shed tears staining her silky skin as they slowly succumb to the pull of gravity.

I watch on silently, she mustn't know I'm here. If she knew that I was here, that I was watching her - I would lose that trust, that thing that no one else in the world bares witness to.

It's only through my silence that I hear the hushed words falling from her lips.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The bricks of the walls she had built have all been removed. The facade is slipping away as she brings her feet up to the bench, drawing her legs in as close as she can to her alienated body.

"Please. I'm sorry."

Her head falls to her knees, her hair falling like curtains as it completely conceals her features. Her slender arms wrap around her denim-clad legs. The facade, or what little remains of it, finally falls away. Her body trembles as she finally stops holding on and lets go of all she'd been keeping bottled up. Her hushed sobs are almost muted by the breeze fluttering through the tree.

"Please. I'm sorry. Please."

Her sobs permeate the air and for the briefest moment I swear I can taste the tears on her lips.

She lets it all fall on top of her, her body convulses with the weight of emotions she only allows herself to face here on this decrepit bench.

"Please. Please. Please."

She begs for the one thing she will never allow herself.

"I'm sorry!"

Forgiveness.

"God please...help me..."

All I can do is watch, wrestling with the urge to reach out and touch her. I want nothing more than to console her. To wipe away her tears with the pads of my thumbs, allowing the hot liquid to fill the ridges of my print. I want to place my lips on hers in a chaste kiss that tells her that it will all be ok. I want to soothe her aching heart.

Her body begins to still. Her sobs die out into silent tears.

"I'm sorry."

Her whispers grow stronger, closer to the husky rap of a seductress. Slowly she lifts her head, her hands remove themselves from denim to push aside fallen strands to reveal one last tear escaping.

"Please, just...anything."

And just like that, it's over. She stands on steady legs and arrangers her shirt, smoothing out every last crease, allowing her time to regain her composure. That look in her eyes, the one that reveals who she really is, fades away, replaced with the cold, hard stare she allows the rest of the world to see.

Still the only thing I can do is watch. I can feel the burning pain in my chest. Every time I witness those walls go back up, I feel that ache.

She walks away from her bench as though nothing has happened. The innocence is gone and that purest truth is lost.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter title**: And falling down on your knees, asking for sympathy

**Summary:** Quinn watches Rachel after catching her going somewhere unusual

She sits in her car, perfectly still. Her eyes focused on the cause of her discomfort. Carefully shaped eyebrows furrow together as though they're on a drawstring. Her lips twist uncontrollably as she argues with herself.

"You've made it this far...don't back out now."

She gets out of her car; thankful for remote locking she begins to take steps towards the source of her awkwardness. Shaking her head at what she was about to do, she started to walk with meaning. She was a woman on a mission.

She hesitates, briefly considering getting back in her car. Her palms rest against the oak barrier preventing her from just walking right in. All she had to do is push.

"I must be crazy."

She pushes the door, flinching at the moaning creak. She walks hesitantly through the building, her footsteps reverberating off the walls.

"Guess it's just you and me".

Her eyes search for something to answer her. Nothing. She's alone in these uncomfortable walls.

_I watch as she stands there awkwardly. I couldn't help but follow her inside. There's only two reasons I know of for anyone to be coming here at this hour. Midnight mass, or because they're not welcome when anyone else is here. Seeing as it's practically summer, I'm pretty sure she's not here for midnight mass._

"I don't even know why I'm here".

She glances around, taking in the pews, the altar, and the countless depictions of stories from 'The Book'. She kneels in the first pew, carefully arranging her skirt - house of God or not, it wouldn't do to have her modesty compromised.

"I don't really buy into any of this...I believe in making your own way in the world. But she believes in you, it's got to be worth a try, right?"

_I stay hidden behind a pillar. I could go over and ask her what she's doing here but I won't. I stay as still as I can. All I can do is watch; if I want the truth all I will do is watch._

"I probably shouldn't be here. In fact, I know I shouldn't be here. I don't belong here."

The poor lighting makes her dark hair appear almost black. Her intense eyes focus on the granite eyes staring down on her.

"I mean...I'm an abomination, right?"

_I feel lost. I have to close my eyes and look again. And again. No matter how many times I try this, she's still the one kneeling in the front row. _

"I'm an abomination for my parents. I'm an abomination for who I am and how I feel..."

Her body loses its rigidity; the confident bravado she exudes vanishes now that she has no audience.

_I bite my tongue. I want to shout at her that she is many things, but she is not an abomination. Far from it. _

"I shouldn't feel this way about her."

My mind freezes. Wait...her?

"It complicates things. Not just for me, but for her and the last thing she needs right now in her life is another complication. I'm unable to help her the way she need while I feel this way about her."

_I want nothing more than to sit next to her, to be the one she's revealing her secrets to. _

"Please take these feelings away. Let me help her. Show me what I can do to make her happier."

_Of all the things I have heard over the years I have known her, I have never heard her beg…until now. _

Her hands fidget nervously in front of her. Her eyelids close, breaking away from the accusing eyes made of stone.

"How can I help her when all I want is for her to feel the same for me as I do for her? If you can't make these feelings go away then at least listen to her. Answer her!"

She goes silent, her mind clearly elsewhere.

_I want to sit, to relieve my sore feet. I don't move, too scared that if I sit, even if it's on the floor, that I would lose sight of the caring, vulnerable creature in front of me. _

"I don't know why I'm doing this. You aren't there and even if you were, you clearly don't care. You didn't care when I was younger and wanting to know about my mother and you don't care now when she needs you to help her."

_I feel a pang of guilt at the bitterness of her words. I hear the pain and the nights she cried herself to sleep taint her voice. _

"Why don't you care enough just to help her?"

She stands and straightens herself out, tugging lightly at her skirt. The rigidity returns to her posture along with her fake confidence and 'I don't care what you think of me' attitude. True to the form she puts on for the world, she storms out, slamming the heavy door behind her as though it was the door to the school choir room.

_I'm tempted to run after her, to tell her she's not an abomination, to tell her that whoever this girl she's praying for is, is lucky to have her as a friend. But I don't. I know that now is not the time and to be honest I doubt I could catch up with her given my current state. I replay it all in my mind. I hear the tears that rested on the precipice of her eyelids but were never allowed to fall. And I know, I don't know how but I just know, that they will flow freely when the time comes for her to sleep and that they will not stop flowing until she succumbs to the restless unconsciousness that waits for her._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter title: **And being caught in between, all you wish for and all you need

**Summary: **Rachel tries to deal with some of her feelings

She sits on her bed, trying to push down the anger she felt inside the church. She never knew she could feel so much anger at once for so many different things.

"You're not real."

Her cry is full of hatred and she feels all of those things she had been to church for weighing heavily on her chest. Molten tears threaten to drown her.

_I see her sat on that worn out bench. I never thought anyone could seem so...broken. I can hear her sobs and desperate pleads. They surround me and it's as though she's sat right here next to me. That's how I know the truth._

"You're not real."

She's lost in her thoughts. Too focused on the girl that wasn't there to notice the figure leaning against the doorframe.

"Who's not real?"

"Jesus Christ!"

Even when she squeals she manages to hit notes that ordinarily only a trained soprano should be able to reach.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know that you've got something on your mind."

"Oh."

_I look at him and see the concern etched into his skin, the love radiating from his eyes. I can't help but wonder if anyone has ever looked at her this way. Probably not..._

"So, who's not real?"

She bites her lip nervously, forces back the tears burning her vision, wondering how much she could reveal to her father without betraying the other girl or where she had spent her evening.

"Daddy...do you believe in God?"

"I do."

Her lip begins to sting from the pressure she has been unknowingly increasing as she worries her lip.

"Why?"

He looked at her slightly baffled.

"I have you, how could I not believe?"

He gently tucks the fallen strands of raven behind her ear, stroking her hair reassuringly like only a father could.

"Why sweetheart?"

_I see her on that bench I know I will always think of as hers. I see the way her small frame convulses and shudders every time she desperately gasps for air. I see the way the sun refracts off of her golden head and converts into streams of silver._

"I guess I'm just trying to understand."

He nods in understanding.

"Would this be one of those things you need to work on a little bit before we discuss it?"

She smiles at him weakly and nods her head.

"Thank you Daddy."

_I feel his lips on my forehead and know that I will always be safe and loved for as long as my fathers are around. I wonder if everyone gets this feeling from their parents but I know they don't. I'm sure a lot of people do; after all, my fathers are not the only loving parents out there. It's just that I know that she doesn't get this feeling and that breaks my heart. _

"Don't be up too much longer ok? It's getting late."

"I won't. Night Daddy."

_I wonder who says goodnight to her now, if anyone offers her love and comfort. I'd like to think that someone is at least warm towards her but I know that no one is there to offer her that warmth. After watching her, I know that she is utterly alone in this, no matter how many people claim that they are there for her. I want to ask God to look after her, to offer her that warmth but I don't know what use, if any, it would do...is He even there?_


End file.
